Archive for the ‘Hmmm…’ Category

Dijonnaise, a Hellmann's product

A dumb food product, Hellmann’s Dijonnaise – But Hellmann’s Mayonnaise isn’t bad!

Many months ago, I made the mistake of titling a post Dumbest Food Product of the Monthwhich of course implied that I would deliver a post about a dumb food product every month.  That implied promise mostly reveals my lack of self-awareness, as I should have known from past promises broken that I wouldn’t be delivering on said monthly post.   A better title might have been  An Occasional Dumb Food Find – in the spirit of the election season, I’ll restrain myself from anything but vague promises.

My Dumb Food Find this time around is Hellmannn’s Dijonnaise.  In principal, there is nothing exactly wrong with the idea of Dijonnaise.  In fact, I like the combination of a good Dijon mustard with mayonnaise on a ham sandwich or burger.  It just is that pre-combining them at the factory saves very little time or money.

Read on…

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Frozen Quiche? Uh...no thanks.

The dumbest food product ever?

This evening I was wandering through my local supermarket, killing time in the frozen food aisle when I ran across this ridiculous product.  Redi-Quiche, just thaw and pour!   There are a lot of contenders, but this has got to be one of the dumbest food products I have ever seen.

I’ve made quiche before and it really is not that hard to make.  Crack a few eggs, whip with a beater, fold in some cheese, veggies, and spices, pour in a pie crust and bake.  My wife is a purist and makes her own pie crust, but I have no qualms about using a frozen crust, especially the good ones from Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, or my favorite local store, Weaver Street Market.  Really, this is not rocket surgery here, this is a staple of the clueless freshman year student cooking. True, you can doll up a quiche with fancy cheeses and roasted vegetables, maybe even bits of ham.  But it never gets particularly complicated.

But Redi-Quiche, as one might guess by their nifty spelling of “Redi,” simplifies things even further.   First, I’ll go out on a limb and assume that anyone buying this product is going to buy a ready-made, or “redi-made” if you prefer, pie crust.   With “Redi-Quiche” there are no eggs to crack, and no annoying and messy cuts from grating cheese.  Not that anyone who buys this would turn up their nose at packaged grated cheese, or “Redi-Grated Cheez” as I call it.  No, with “Redi-Quiche” you just thaw and pour.  You still have to turn on the oven, though, and bake it.  That takes some time, but think of all the time you’ll save with “Redi-Quiche.”

Really people, if you want a quiche, take of your pajamas, get off the couch, and make one.  It really isn’t difficult.

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Oy Jerusalem!

The Face of God...or just the sun setting?

God speaking to you, or just another sunset?

This month’s Wired magazine has an interesting article by Chris Nashawaty about Jerusalem syndrome, a psychiatric disorder I had never heard of before.  According to Nashawaty, every year as many as  one hundred tourists, most of them evangelical Christians, arrive  in Jerusalem  convinced that they are the Messiah.  Inspired by the powerful religious symbolism of the city, and I would argue an overly fervent believe in their own self-worth, these Jesus wannabes end up in psychiatric wards, but are usually calmed down and returned to their country of origin.

While colloquially named after the city ofJerusalem, the problem is not unique to city where a certain Jewish carpenter died.  Other iconic destinations push people over the edge of reality into fervent delusions inspired by the historical, mystical, or mythical power of a place.   Apparently any sufficiently devoted believer visiting a personally  inspiring destination –  Mecca, Paris, Graceland, the Apple store – could be overcome with giddily-psychotic delusional joy to warrant removal to the psychiatric ward. Call me a psychiatric voyeur, but it never ceases to amaze me how the human mind can break down in such utterly bizarre ways.

Nashawaty’s article maintained a serious tone, but one hilarious passage concerned a psychiatrist who, having two would-be Saviors land in his care on the same day, decided to lock them in the same room together, where they proceeded to argue for hours over who was the real Son of God and who was the imposter.  And who said psychiatrists don’t have a sense of humor?

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Legs of a woman

Image via Wikipedia

This morning I was reading the local paper, and this strange story from the police blotter came to my attention:

CHAPEL HILL — Police have received eight reports in the past week of someone entering homes in February and in some cases rubbing people’s legs as they slept.

Is this man a rubber, or a robber, or both?  Also, it occurs to me that if he was good enough at it, he could probably make a good deal more money as a licensed masseuse, instead of risking hard time in the big house for breaking and entering.  But no one said criminals really do the math before considering a life of crime.

Read more in the Orange County Edition – NewsObserver.com.

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Speaking of Metropolis

As I was reading my morning paper, this story caught my eye:

Northwestern U. to investigate class’ sex toy demo

CHICAGO — Northwestern University found itself at the center of a furor Thursday after a sexuality professor known for racy lessons allowed students to stay after a lecture to witness a couple using a mechanized sex toy.

Read more at the Raleigh News and Observer

Just for the record, had I been taking the class, I would have stayed after to witness this demonstration.  Given all the money my parents paid for college, it would have only been right.

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